Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
