that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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