Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
