guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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