I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
