this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
