You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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