R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
