I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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