I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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