i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
