Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize