No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
