good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
