i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
smell my finger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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