I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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