Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
