After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize