okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
