After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
