dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
