I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
