SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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