hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
