Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize