Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
