How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
