the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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