he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont even know how to be here
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
