At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize