True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
