I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize