I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
