I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Come on in and take your pants off
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