No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
