we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
