a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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