She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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