When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
