and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
