she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize