We named our party play list daddy issues
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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