as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
