so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
