people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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