You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
