I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize