Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize