Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
