...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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