So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
