why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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