At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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