How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
