I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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