The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
