I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
