so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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