Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
