So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
