You smell like a Billy Joel song
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
