is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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