When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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