At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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