What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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