what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
