Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
