ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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