I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
