With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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