He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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