I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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