At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
