There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize