dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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