Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think my moral compass just broke
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