he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
