Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize